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Deprivation

When I'm working with an individual, I often hear that he or she feels deprived if they can't do or buy something when they want to. There is indeed deprivation at work in many financial lives, but not of that sort. The deprivation I'm talking about in this article leads to entitlement, feelings of not enough, and underearning.

This deprivation is caused by not having emotional or psychological building blocks available during key times in childhood development. This results in an adult who has learned to “solve” this internal lack with external items or activities.

When such activities are used as substitutions for getting ones true needs met, the results are disappointing over time, because the true need doesn't get met or satisfied with these external measures. The unmet need keeps resurfacing, forcing more frequent or expanding behaviors as substitutions, while the “feeling good” part of the activity diminishes.

Entitlement

There's a wolf in sheep’s clothing that lurks in the halls of deprivation. It's the belief that “I want what I want when I want it” is the solution to deprivation. This is the battle cry of entitlement and it carries with it the illusion of satisfaction. Entitlement is actually the road to poverty, because it's simply not possible to have everything one wants, nor does having “things” heal internal needs.

I've often thought that we should be handed an envelope when we turn 21 with a list of life’s secrets, and one of these should be that our wants will always outpace our resources. We can't have everything we want. The same faculty that gives us the ability to enjoy and create music, understand and write poetry, appreciate beauty and attain understanding of spiritual concepts is the same culprit that makes the above statement true. No matter how much one has, a human being is able to imagine and fantasize about what one doesn't have. We have an unlimited ability to dream up new wants.

Making More Money

Have you ever said to yourself, “If I just made more money, all my problems would be solved.” If that were true, the last time you made more money should have taken care of things. Did it? Like entitlement, this is an illusion because while our wants are unlimited, our resources are not. Eventually, you have to learn how to effectively use the money you do have.

Use of Credit

We live in an age where we have credit cards to spur us into thinking that we can have everything we want now. This gives the concept of delayed gratification a bad name, because many people experience delayed gratification only when the credit cards are maxed out. By then, delayed gratification feels like a punishment, not a discipline, and may bring up feelings of deprivation because the person doesn't feel in control of the situation and doesn't know what to do next. However, I like to define delayed gratification in this way: “I can have what I want, I just can't have it all at the same time.”

Moving Toward Solution

If you focus on what you're doing right rather than wrong, and intervene on your patterned behaviors when you see them, you'll find yourself in a much better place over time. In hindsight, you'll see that you do have enough, that you are able to provide your needs and wants for yourself, and that the world is more forgiving than you thought. If you can't break through your patterns or if you feel like you've run out of options, I can help to bring you the change you want faster and in a supportive environment.

Contact Susan Bross by phone at 415. 479. 1290 or email

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